On edge with anxiety my forehead drips with sweat. What the hell is going on at the end of this hallway? Approaching nearer, it sounds like a 'Rainbow Gathering' chant group, or something to that effect. Fan-freakin-tastic. Five of my hostel bunkies are gypsies.
One guy is sporting a dinky one string instrument that makes a ‘boingie’ noise as he slaps it. I’ll admit, this little Aboriginal Australian melody does have a nice ring to it...
As I adjust my bed, my top bunks-man* (is that how you call it?) introduces himself. “Hey Mae, I’m Fernand,” we exchange names. “I’m in a hurry,” he says, “…on my way out to play open mic night. Do you want to go? I’ll get you in for free.”
One guy is sporting a dinky one string instrument that makes a ‘boingie’ noise as he slaps it. I’ll admit, this little Aboriginal Australian melody does have a nice ring to it...
As I adjust my bed, my top bunks-man* (is that how you call it?) introduces himself. “Hey Mae, I’m Fernand,” we exchange names. “I’m in a hurry,” he says, “…on my way out to play open mic night. Do you want to go? I’ll get you in for free.”
“What the heck.” Spontaneity got the best of me, “Pura Vida! …vamos vamos!”
Don’t you love how stuff just happens into our lives in this wonderful place. Not even five minutes ago my plans included some shut eye, now, I’m off making memories of a lifetime.
Fernand signals the taxi. As it approaches, I’m second guessing whether we should take our chances in this piece of crap. My mind is screaming to itself, “This SOB is about the ugliest piece of blankity-blank...!” You get the idea.
Good thing I’m a nice guy, because this vehicle is probably the drivers most prized possession. Just wouldn’t be right to offend him! …better to judge. jk!
As we peel from the curb I look back, etching the hostels surroundings in my mind. Just as a precaution in case the returning driver isn’t on his game... or worse yet, this P.O.S. breaks down!
Fernand informs us of a pit-stop to snatch up another instrument for his performance. "No problems here,” I uttered… he mentioned he was paying for the ride, so what do I care right?
“You wait in the car, I’ll run and grab my things and be right back…” says Fernand.
“No worries Mae,” I reply.
I watch as he nears the only streetlight in the cul-de-sac and vanishes down the hill of a dark ally.
The driver turns off the ‘taxi’ for Gas sakes*(pun intended). Can’t say I blame him.
Too much time has passed already. Honestly, this REALLY does not. feel. right. Minutes have melted into half an hour at least!
“Driver, do you have the time?” I ask. I watch as the driver clumsily scuffles the floorboard for a time piece.
Meanwhile, by the streetlight, a group of delinquents begins to gather. Five… ten... fifteen… even MORE hooligans emerge from the dark ally.
My instincts begin to flair.
I steadily tell the driver, “Start the car, lock the doors and start driving like nothing is wrong, NOW.” He goes about things COMPLETELY BACKWARDS. He acts like nothing is wrong! He starts to lock the…..
I peer through the front passenger window while frantically rolling the rear windows up. “GO, GO,” I plead! I watch as the Mob sprints towards us, rocks the size of my head and chunks of asphalt in hand.
The rear windshield explodes into a million pieces, splashing down upon me as the mob lobs stones down on us. A few of the guys make a break for it.
One punk jumps through our passenger window mulling the driver with his left fist, while fumbling for the ignition keys with the right. Another chump sends fists flying through the drivers window, making solid contact with the drivers face!
I brace myself and stick my foot through the face of the intruder who was after our keys. The driver shakes off the threat to his left as I turn for the other antagonists.
The delinquents, relentless in their efforts, keep coming! Two are on the hood... two on the trunk. Perhaps one is on the roof?! The others are dangling from our windows as our piece of crap vehicle painstakingly accelerates.
Fingers of the dangling assailants get my special boot treatment. As I smash their fingers with the heel of my boot, I give an extra twist at the end just to make sure.
One by one we shed the peonies from the car.
After half an hour of searching for Fernand we thought it best to head back to the hostel.
Investigating the vehicle we find all body panels heavily damaged… both windshields gone… rear passenger window gone… three headlights busted. Not too bad for a one nights outing in Costa Rica!
No doubt they had got the best of us.
Luckily for us, our lives have been safeguarded...
After a few hours passing, Fernand makes his way back to our room wearing a black eye, busted lip, t-shirt, underwear, and socks. It took him all this time to walk back to the hostel. “I lost EVERYTHING!” he sighed.
“No, Mae. Not everything,” I said, "...here is your guitar.”
Grinning from ear to ear he realized everything would be ok.
Keeping in mind this is a sunny place for shady people. This isn't what you would expect when Getting Stoned in Costa Rica.
By: Jay Asquith
August 24, 2014
Don’t you love how stuff just happens into our lives in this wonderful place. Not even five minutes ago my plans included some shut eye, now, I’m off making memories of a lifetime.
Fernand signals the taxi. As it approaches, I’m second guessing whether we should take our chances in this piece of crap. My mind is screaming to itself, “This SOB is about the ugliest piece of blankity-blank...!” You get the idea.
Good thing I’m a nice guy, because this vehicle is probably the drivers most prized possession. Just wouldn’t be right to offend him! …better to judge. jk!
As we peel from the curb I look back, etching the hostels surroundings in my mind. Just as a precaution in case the returning driver isn’t on his game... or worse yet, this P.O.S. breaks down!
Fernand informs us of a pit-stop to snatch up another instrument for his performance. "No problems here,” I uttered… he mentioned he was paying for the ride, so what do I care right?
“You wait in the car, I’ll run and grab my things and be right back…” says Fernand.
“No worries Mae,” I reply.
I watch as he nears the only streetlight in the cul-de-sac and vanishes down the hill of a dark ally.
The driver turns off the ‘taxi’ for Gas sakes*(pun intended). Can’t say I blame him.
Too much time has passed already. Honestly, this REALLY does not. feel. right. Minutes have melted into half an hour at least!
“Driver, do you have the time?” I ask. I watch as the driver clumsily scuffles the floorboard for a time piece.
Meanwhile, by the streetlight, a group of delinquents begins to gather. Five… ten... fifteen… even MORE hooligans emerge from the dark ally.
My instincts begin to flair.
I steadily tell the driver, “Start the car, lock the doors and start driving like nothing is wrong, NOW.” He goes about things COMPLETELY BACKWARDS. He acts like nothing is wrong! He starts to lock the…..
I peer through the front passenger window while frantically rolling the rear windows up. “GO, GO,” I plead! I watch as the Mob sprints towards us, rocks the size of my head and chunks of asphalt in hand.
The rear windshield explodes into a million pieces, splashing down upon me as the mob lobs stones down on us. A few of the guys make a break for it.
One punk jumps through our passenger window mulling the driver with his left fist, while fumbling for the ignition keys with the right. Another chump sends fists flying through the drivers window, making solid contact with the drivers face!
I brace myself and stick my foot through the face of the intruder who was after our keys. The driver shakes off the threat to his left as I turn for the other antagonists.
The delinquents, relentless in their efforts, keep coming! Two are on the hood... two on the trunk. Perhaps one is on the roof?! The others are dangling from our windows as our piece of crap vehicle painstakingly accelerates.
Fingers of the dangling assailants get my special boot treatment. As I smash their fingers with the heel of my boot, I give an extra twist at the end just to make sure.
One by one we shed the peonies from the car.
After half an hour of searching for Fernand we thought it best to head back to the hostel.
Investigating the vehicle we find all body panels heavily damaged… both windshields gone… rear passenger window gone… three headlights busted. Not too bad for a one nights outing in Costa Rica!
No doubt they had got the best of us.
Luckily for us, our lives have been safeguarded...
After a few hours passing, Fernand makes his way back to our room wearing a black eye, busted lip, t-shirt, underwear, and socks. It took him all this time to walk back to the hostel. “I lost EVERYTHING!” he sighed.
“No, Mae. Not everything,” I said, "...here is your guitar.”
Grinning from ear to ear he realized everything would be ok.
Keeping in mind this is a sunny place for shady people. This isn't what you would expect when Getting Stoned in Costa Rica.
By: Jay Asquith
August 24, 2014
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